I came back and forth to this decision of including my past to my present. And then I realized, I will never be where I am right now had it not been to certain experiences. Be it bad or good, it always serves a lesson.
So today, I would like to tackle friendships.
Coming from a family with an absentee father, I grew up not trusting men. Had it not been for my Uncle (whom I fondly call Papa) I would’ve given up my faith in men. But you know, life is always full of surprises. 20 years ago, I would have laughed my ass off if you’ve told me I’d get married. But that is a story for another day.
When I was younger, building friendships was never an issue. They flock in abundance. They love me. They think I’m smart (I’m street) and funny (I’m just mean with a humor) and full of life. So yes, I had gazillion friends. Few of them remains as one. Most were still acquaintances. Few just drifted away. Some were let go. By choice.
Sorry. They did not made the cut.
Here are the few things that will immediately ruin a friendship:
This is why I am very wary on lending money to friends. Especially if you have a track record of not paying on time. Or not paying at all. Kinda like me with my bestfriend and my sister. But hey, the former was a friendship carved on steel (plus she know I will never pay her back because she owes me, big time!) and the latter, come on, that’s blood. (Ha ha ha)
I met Lykabelle (not her real name) in Dubai. She was the Hotel Nurse. We both came from the same Region in the Philippines. We have common friends. I literally thought she was trustworthy. But when she borrowed money from me and never fully-paid and she was nowhere to be found, it took a lot of restraint from me not to post her photos on Facebook and expose her for the fraud that she is.
Fighting over money with friends is so tacky and I do not want that mix. So to those who wanted to ask, please don’t. Let’s move on.
I’ve had/have friends who are the jealous type. Jealousy for me is a thing related to fear. You are scared that what you have will be taken away from you. But Envy is a different thing. ENVY is coveting what someone else has. Envy is not being content of what you have because you always want to look on someone else’s yard than concentrating on your own.
I met Nancy (not her real name) during College. We were on the same class and she befriended me. I was an over-achiever during College. I was a Student Council VP, Student President of my entire department (Hotel and Restaurant Management), Debate Team, Consistent Dean’s Lister and 1st Runner-up Ms. Foundation Day. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, Me? Join and won a Beauty and Brain Pageant? Yeah, I would have also won the crown had I been blessed with the Beauty. (Ha ha ha)
(Blast from the Past: Beauty Pageant host)
Anyway, there was no doubt why Nancy would like to be my friend. I was after all, kinda popular. (wink, wink) It was after 2 semesters that I realized she was ENVIOUS of me.
When our common friend, ran away from home. Nancy told our friend’s Mom that she might have been with me and brought her to our home. WTF? Nancy knew very well, I would have nothing to do with this because I was just with her that day. Was that incident an alert from the unseen mover of all that I should not have trusted Nancy to begin with? Maybe, but I was oblivious for the fact that I really didn’t care.
I was casually dating this boy, Daniel (not his real name) he was also on one of my classes. He was sweet and loves to recite poetry over the phone. Nancy knew this.
My Grandfather was hospitalized and I need to take care of him for 2 days. I was absent from school and when I returned we went for drinks after class. We were seated on a round table Sherry (that’s her real name), Nancy, Daniel and I. We were talking, laughing, having fun while drinking and as I was about to take a shot of gin, something caught my peripheral view. Daniel and Nancy holding each other’s hands under the table! ARE YOU EFFIN’ KIDDING ME? Like, how disrespectful! I completely went berserk and told both of them that they deserve each other. (expletives omitted)
My anger was more towards Daniel than Nancy. Because if Nancy was too envious to actually seduce this boy (who by the way was not a big deal to me whether he screw her or someone else) and he got seduced, that’s a problem to me. I do not tolerate disrespect.
So I actually went outside and started drinking with newly found friends. Daniel asked if he can talk to me and I gave him a chance to explain. But I never gave him a chance to talk because I started screaming at him of how big of a jerk he was. He was of course pleading for me to forgive him. FYI, Nancy he wanted me back during that time.
Now, this story did not end there. Apparently, because I was only casually dating Daniel, I was not informed of his RHD. Yes, that’s Rheumatic Heart Disease. So when I left to drink elsewhere, he was rushed to the hospital because he couldn’t breath. I mean, hello! Karma is a bitch!
Or am I Karma?
My relationship with Nancy went through but it was never the same after that. I kind of forgave her but I already knew of her as a snake. But I still went along with her charade, with an open eye that is.
She started being friends with my bestfriend, started spreading rumors I ran away from home, started to go behind my back creating havoc with my school department, flirted with my then-boyfriend (not Daniel) And the list goes on.
(Blast from the past: Beauty Pageant hosts)
“ENVY is like a worm, it always has an eye for the fairest apple.” It will eat you alive. You have to stop comparing yourself to others and cultivate what you have. Eventually, I raised my hands and told myself I am giving up on her. I can never save her from her own demons. People who are jealous I can combat but envious people? They suck your greatness and you become one of them. Mediocre.
It is natural to fight with your friends over boys during College. But I didn’t want to do that. So I informed my best friends George and Alex that we should never fight over money and boys. But we still did.
I had a crush on this boy named Ryan (that’s his real name) and yet when Ryan brought us to our apartment after drinks, I thought when everyone just said their goodbyes and goodnights we were all back in the apartment. All of us, aside from Alex who up to now was not owning up that she was trying to hook up with Ryan. (rolling my eyes!)
When George’s crush Mogz said that he had a crush on me. That was flattering, but I have to respect George feelings. That’s her crush, I’m not going after him.
When I told Alex I had a crush and this boy will visit me the next day. Alex literally made sure she spoke with him first and toyed with him that I have a crush on him, when are we getting married of that sorts. Of course, the boy will be so turned-off and he ended up being Alex’s boyfriend. BTW.
I cannot even begin to explain how and why I withstand a friendship with Alex but I think I just tolerated her. She is after all my best friend and even if she put me on a lot of trouble (including a buy-bust birthday gift) I still manage to forgive her. She did after all changed. But she know she owed me. And I will keep collecting. (Ha ha ha)
For me, those are the 3 things that will ruin a friendship. Because they were all based on disrespect. And if you do not have respect to your friends or your friends to you, I guess it’s time to either Forgive and Forget or Leave and Let go.
Now, here’s a funny thing about forgiveness, we never forget. There was a guest in the hotel who was talking to my colleague about life, (You call it eavesdropping, I call it overhearing. To-may-tow, Tu-mah-tow) and he said that in order for you to forgive, you must “release”.
Release, as the operative word. He pointed out, if a person owe you money and because he cannot afford to pay you, you lost your house. Then when you saw him, he asked for forgiveness and you said, it’s okay. But every time the issue comes up you brought it all up. See, that is not forgiveness. (He said) If you forgive someone you must release everything that comes with the baggage.
I think it makes sense. I can decide to forgive and let it all go. Be friends again. Or. I can forgive and let it go. For good.
(with Mr. Jovan Galvo when I co-hosted for a Beauty Pageant)
Forgiveness gives you freedom. You will no longer be tied to that rope called anger or resentment. Just let it go.
This, I must learn.
But I’m a work in progress. Xx